WHAT’S “TOO NICE” ANYWAY?

It started in my early years… most likely in grade school.  Often, I was told I was “too nice.”  Perhaps, it was because I went home to conditions that were the farthest thing from “nice” and “normal.” Even teachers would tell me that I was “too nice!”  I was the one who would pick the worst player… first… for the kickball team.  I wanted to be sure they knew that they wouldn’t be left standing there at the end of choosing.  I was also the student who volunteered to stay after and clean the boards.  The truth was that I would do anything not to go home.

Years later in my teaching career, both on high school and in college levels, I was told the same thing. I saw it as caring, love, and guidance. In the end, they did as well.

     Here’s what I absolutely know about being “too nice,” in my adult years. There is what others might say about being “too nice,” but then there is my view…as always.

 People will see you as weak


     They might take advantage of you. This first point is no shock. This is generally the rap against being too quick to put your own needs aside in favor of the needs of others and many, point out this danger.

 I say: You can never be too nice to others.  Do it without thinking.


 You forget to be nice to yourself


      This is also a problem with being “too nice,” some might say/feel.   It is often cited by experts in regard to entrepreneurship as a problem. Being responsive is great for your business, but take your focus on meeting others’ needs too far and … you’ll end up with no time left over to work on your own priorities or the longer-term issues that are essential to your company. 


I say:  Find the balance in life.  It is never: You vs. Them, but rather… You and Them!

 

 You attract the wrong kind of people

Kindness may be a prerequisite for healthy and meaningful relationships, but also an inability to set boundaries. Being excessively nice… “You will start to attract needy, whiny, overly emotional, demanding/controlling people,” say many experts. Again, I disagree.

I say:  You might be the only bright light in those peoples’ days and actually improve immeasurably the quality of their lives and therefore improve everyone’s day. Keep on! 

Folks might distrust you

    Let’s face it, genuinely nice people aren’t rare, but especially in some corners of the business and professional world, they’re hardly in the majority either. This sad fact means that if you are truly nice, you’re liable to be occasionally misunderstood and even viewed with suspicion.  People might believe that you have an ulterior motive in mind,  otherwise, why would you be doing all these special things? Just as there is no such thing as a free lunch, there can not, surely, be such a thing as “too nice for no reason.”  Really?


I say: Prove them wrong!  Whether it’s in life, business, and relationships…  always be “too nice.”  Everyone benefits!

You will askew your own expectations of others


     If someone is too nice to people, they start expecting unreasonable amount of niceness from others as well. This always leads to the nice ones thinking others are being mean to them or taking them for granted.  I read this in articles and it always makes me smile.

My guess is that some people cannot handle this and when they talk about how they’re nice to everyone while others take them for granted, they tend to sound very entitled.  (Maybe their niceness isn’t genuine.)

I say: It doesn’t matter if people are nice back to you.  What matters is that you are nice to them.  Expect nothing in return.


How do you strike a balance between compassion and kindness, and being “too nice”?

     Compassion and kindness are wonderful traits for people to have, but some times they are done for the wrong reason.  One should never show either to impress, gain respect, or to “show others up.”  This applies to home, work, and any other public ventures.  As of late, we have seen this in Politics and it hasn’t boded well with the masses.

I say: Always strive to be “too nice” and compassion and kindness will follow!

But here’s a warning:  Never assume that someone is insecure, weak, or showing off if they are “too nice. ”  Sometimes, they just are that… nice!

WHAT’S “TOO NICE” ANYWAY?

 

It started in my early years… most likely in grade school.  Often, I was told I was “too nice.”  Perhaps, it was because I went home to conditions that were the farthest thing from “nice” and “normal.” Even teachers would tell me that I was “too nice!”  I was the one who would pick the worst player… first… for the kickball team.  I wanted to be sure they knew that they wouldn’t be left standing there at the end of choosing.  I was also the student who volunteered to stay after and clean the boards.  The truth was that I would do anything not to go home.

Years later in my teaching career, both on high school and in college levels, I was told the same thing. I saw it as caring, love, and guidance. In the end, they did as well.

     Here’s what I absolutely know about being “too nice,” in my adult years. There is what others might say about being “too nice,” but then there is my view…as always.

 People will see you as weak


     They might take advantage of you. This first point is no shock. This is generally the rap against being too quick to put your own needs aside in favor of the needs of others and many, point out this danger.

 I say: You can never be too nice to others.  Do it without thinking.


 You forget to be nice to yourself


      This is also a problem with being “too nice,” some might say/feel.   It is often cited by experts in regard to entrepreneurship as a problem. Being responsive is great for your business, but take your focus on meeting others’ needs too far and … you’ll end up with no time left over to work on your own priorities or the longer-term issues that are essential to your company. 


I say:  Find the balance in life.  It is never: You vs. Them, but rather… You and Them!

 

 You attract the wrong kind of people

Kindness may be a prerequisite for healthy and meaningful relationships, but also an inability to set boundaries. Being excessively nice… “You will start to attract needy, whiny, overly emotional, demanding/controlling people,” say many experts. Again, I disagree.

I say:  You might be the only bright light in those peoples’ days and actually improve immeasurably the quality of their lives and therefore improve everyone’s day. Keep on! 

Folks might distrust you

    Let’s face it, genuinely nice people aren’t rare, but especially in some corners of the business and professional world, they’re hardly in the majority either. This sad fact means that if you are truly nice, you’re liable to be occasionally misunderstood and even viewed with suspicion.  People might believe that you have an ulterior motive in mind,  otherwise, why would you be doing all these special things? Just as there is no such thing as a free lunch, there can not, surely, be such a thing as “too nice for no reason.”  Really?


I say: Prove them wrong!  Whether it’s in life, business, and relationships…  always be “too nice.”  Everyone benefits!

You will askew your own expectations of others


     If someone is too nice to people, they start expecting unreasonable amount of niceness from others as well. This always leads to the nice ones thinking others are being mean to them or taking them for granted.  I read this in articles and it always makes me smile.

My guess is that some people cannot handle this and when they talk about how they’re nice to everyone while others take them for granted, they tend to sound very entitled.  (Maybe their niceness isn’t genuine.)

I say: It doesn’t matter if people are nice back to you.  What matters is that you are nice to them.  Expect nothing in return.


How do you strike a balance between compassion and kindness, and being “too nice”?

     Compassion and kindness are wonderful traits for people to have, but some times they are done for the wrong reason.  One should never show either to impress, gain respect, or to “show others up.”  This applies to home, work, and any other public ventures.  As of late, we have seen this in Politics and it hasn’t boded well with the masses.

I say: Always strive to be “too nice” and compassion and kindness will follow!

But here’s a warning:  Never assume that someone is insecure, weak, or showing off if they are “too nice. ”  Sometimes, they just are that… nice!

WHAT’S ‘TOO NICE’ ANYWAY? I SAY THERE’S NO SUCH THING! 

 

It started in my early years… most likely in grade school.  Often, I was told I was “too nice.”  Perhaps, it was because I went home to conditions that were the farthest thing from “nice” and “normal.” Even teachers would tell me that I was “too nice!”  I was the one who would pick the worst player… first… for the kickball team.  I wanted to be sure they knew that they wouldn’t be left standing there at the end of choosing.  I was also the student who volunteered to stay after and clean the boards.  The truth was that I would do anything not to go home.

Years later in my teaching career, both on high school and in college levels, I was told the same thing. I saw it as caring, love, and guidance. In the end, they did as well.

     Here’s what I absolutely know about being “too nice,” in my adult years. There is what others might say about being “too nice,” but then there is my view…as always.

 People will see you as weak


     They might take advantage of you. This first point is no shock. This is generally the rap against being too quick to put your own needs aside in favor of the needs of others and many, point out this danger.

 I say: You can never be too nice to others.  Do it without thinking.


 You forget to be nice to yourself


      This is also a problem with being “too nice,” some might say/feel.   It is often cited by experts in regard to entrepreneurship as a problem. Being responsive is great for your business, but take your focus on meeting others’ needs too far and … you’ll end up with no time left over to work on your own priorities or the longer-term issues that are essential to your company. 


I say:  Find the balance in life.  It is never: You vs. Them, but rather… You and Them!

 

 You attract the wrong kind of people

Kindness may be a prerequisite for healthy and meaningful relationships, but also an inability to set boundaries. Being excessively nice… “You will start to attract needy, whiny, overly emotional, demanding/controlling people,” say many experts. Again, I disagree.

I say:  You might be the only bright light in those peoples’ days and actually improve immeasurably the quality of their lives and therefore improve everyone’s day. Keep on! 

Folks might distrust you

    Let’s face it, genuinely nice people aren’t rare, but especially in some corners of the business and professional world, they’re hardly in the majority either. This sad fact means that if you are truly nice, you’re liable to be occasionally misunderstood and even viewed with suspicion.  People might believe that you have an ulterior motive in mind,  otherwise, why would you be doing all these special things? Just as there is no such thing as a free lunch, there can not, surely, be such a thing as “too nice for no reason.”  Really?


I say: Prove them wrong!  Whether it’s in life, business, and relationships…  always be “too nice.”  Everyone benefits!

You will askew your own expectations of others


     If someone is too nice to people, they start expecting unreasonable amount of niceness from others as well. This always leads to the nice ones thinking others are being mean to them or taking them for granted.  I read this in articles and it always makes me smile.

My guess is that some people cannot handle this and when they talk about how they’re nice to everyone while others take them for granted, they tend to sound very entitled.  (Maybe their niceness isn’t genuine.)

I say: It doesn’t matter if people are nice back to you.  What matters is that you are nice to them.  Expect nothing in return.


How do you strike a balance between compassion and kindness, and being “too nice”?

     Compassion and kindness are wonderful traits for people to have, but some times they are done for the wrong reason.  One should never show either to impress, gain respect, or to “show others up.”  This applies to home, work, and any other public ventures.  As of late, we have seen this in Politics and it hasn’t boded well with the masses.

I say: Always strive to be “too nice” and compassion and kindness will follow!

But here’s a warning:  Never assume that someone is insecure, weak, or showing off if they are “too nice. ”  Sometimes, they just are that… nice!

 

 

WHAT’S TOO NICE ANYWAY? I say there’s no such thing!

     It started in my early years; most likely in grade school.  Often, I was told I was “too nice.”  Perhaps, it was because I went home to conditions that were the farthest thing from “nice” and “normal.” Even teachers would tell me that I was “too nice!”  I was the one who would pick the worst player… first… for the kickball team.  I wanted to be sure they knew that they wouldn’t be left standing there at the end of choosing.  I was also the student who volunteered to stay after and clean the boards.  The truth was that I would do anything not to go home.

Here’s what I absolutely know about being “too nice,” in my adult years. There is what others might say about being “too nice,” but then there is my view…as always.

 

 People will see you as weak


    Perhaps, even take advantage of you. This first point is no shock. This is generally the rap against being too quick to put your own needs aside in favor of the needs of others and many, point out this danger.

I say: You can never be too nice to others.  Do it without thinking.


 You forget to be nice to yourself


      This is also a problem with being “too nice,” some might say/feel.  Also, it is often cited by experts on entrepreneurship. Being responsive is great for your business, but take your focus on meeting others’ needs too far and… you’ll end up with no time left over to work on your own priorities or the longer-term issues that are essential to your company. 


 I say:  Find the balance in life.  It is never: You vs Them, but rather… You and Them!

 You attract the wrong kind of people

     Kindness may be a prerequisite for healthy and meaningful relationships, but also an  inability to set boundaries. Being excessively nice… “you will start to attract needy, whiny, overly emotional, demanding/controlling people,” say many experts. Again, I disagree.

I say:  You might be the only bright light in those peoples’ days and actually improve immeasurably the quality of their lives and therefore improve everyone’s day. Keep on! 

Folks might distrust you

    Let’s face it, genuinely nice people aren’t rare, but especially in some corners of the business and professional world, they’re hardly in the majority either. This sad fact means that if you are truly nice, you’re liable to be occasionally misunderstood and even viewed with suspicion.  People might believe that you have an ulterior motive in mind,  otherwise, why would you be doing all these special things? Just as there is no such thing as a free lunch, there can not, surely, be such a thing as “too nice for no reason.”  Really?


I say: Prove them wrong!  Whether it’s in life, business, and relationships…  always be “too nice.”  Everyone benefits!


You will askew your own expectations of others
     If someone is too nice to people, they start expecting unreasonable amount of niceness from others as well. This always leads to the nice ones thinking others are being mean to them or taking them for granted.  I read this in articles and it always makes me smile. 

     My guess is that some people cannot handle this and when they talk about how they’re nice to everyone while others take them for granted, they tend to sound very entitled.  (Maybe their niceness isn’t genuine.)

I say: It doesn’t matter if people are nice back to you.  What matters is that you are nice to them.  Expect nothing in return.


How do you strike a balance between compassion and kindness, and being “too nice”?

     Compassion and kindness are wonderful traits for people to have, but some times they are done for the wrong reason.  One should never show either to impress, gain respect, or to “show others up.”  This applies to home, work, and any other public ventures.  As of late, we have seen this in Politics and it hasn’t boded well with the masses.

I say: Always strive to be “too nice” and compassion and kindness will follow!

But here’s a warning:  Never assume that someone is insecure, weak, or showing off if they are “too nice. ”  Sometimes, they just are that… nice!

MAN UP to Manipulators

Sometimes, we feel manipulated by people we know, work with, or love. When this occurs we experience a great deal of stress and anxiety, both of which can make us ill and out of sorts.  When this occurs we need to step back and view it NOT subjectively, but rather objectively. View the entity that is doing the manipulating.

 

In research, it is indicted that a manipulative personality is, essentially, an aggressive personality. Now, there are also people who are overtly aggressive! Those are the people that we’re afraid of or intimidated by and their personalities are “overt.” Right there in your face.   Then there is the covert personality that is aggressive in an underhanded way. Most manipulative people are the covert type.

 

That personality type is most often self-centered. They’re often narcissistic. They’re self-involved and they lack empathy for other people.  So, it’s all about what I want… and what I can get other people to do for me. It rarely is about what can be done FOR other people.They tend to use other people and they do that in a number of ways.

 

They’re dishonest. Or, they’re deceptive about issues. They tell half-truths or they don’t tell the whole truth. It’s also a feature of many personality disorders: borderline, avoidant – the avoidant person tries to get other people to do their work, because they will avoid others – the dependent personality – that plays the victim and wants everybody to take care of them – histrionic personality, anti-social – passive-aggressive has a big component there – and type A “angry personalities” and “addictive personalities.”  People that are addicted to drugs/ alcohol almost always blame all their problems on other people. “Angry” personalities they are they way the are because of something in their past. In the end, this type of behavior is so self-destructive. This is a pattern that runs deep with manipulation. Many of these people don’t care about relationships, sadly. They just care about getting what they want out of people. Often, they end up alone.

 

Guilt-tripping. One of the things that a covert-aggressive person knows well is that other types of people have very different consciences than they do. So, all a manipulator has to do is to suggest to the conscientious person that they don’t care enough, or kind of imply that they’re being selfish, and that person immediately is going to start feeling bad. So that’s an “in” that they can use to push people around and get them to do what they want.  Turn that around and a conscientious person might try, until they’re blue in the face, to get a manipulator, or any other aggressive type personality, to feel badly about a hurtful behavior, to acknowledge responsibility, or admit wrongdoing, and it’s absolutely to no avail, because these people don’t think that way. It’s all about them. It’s not about others. They don’t have empathy!

 

Shaming is another form of manipulation. Sometimes the use of subtle sarcasm and put-downs is used as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others. The stuff teachers say! I heard this from kids all the time – about the things that teachers say/said to them to shame them. Covert-aggressive people use this tactic to make other people feel inadequate, or unworthy, and therefore, to defer to them. It puts them in a one-up position.

 

Vilifying the victim. This tactic is frequently used in conjunction with the attacker playing the victim role. The aggressor uses the tactic to make it look like he’s only responding, or defending himself, against aggression on the part of the victim. It actually enables the aggressor to better put the victim on the defense.

Another thing they do is, they play the servant role. Covert-aggressives use this tactic to cloak their self-serving agenda in the guise of service…you know, to a more noble cause. You do just the opposite of what you’re really doing.  Politics?  Hmmmm.

 

What causes people to become manipulative? Where does it come from? Mostly it comes from anxiety.      People anticipate catastrophic losses in some cases. So, in an effort to control their own environment, and stay safe, and meet their own needs, they try to get other people to give them what they think they can’t get for themselves.

There are many of us who have had terrible experiences as children/ young adults… who do not resort to manipulation as adults.

Perhaps, this is the realization that this isn’t the right way to go about things or treat other people.  It is never too late to stop manipulating and realize we can count on our own resourcefulness and God- given strengths.

MAN UP to Manipulators

Sometimes, we feel manipulated by people we know, work with, or love. When this occurs we experience a great deal of stress and anxiety, both of which can make us ill and out of sorts.  When this occurs we need to step back and view it NOT subjectively, but rather objectively. View the entity that is doing the manipulating.

 

In research, it is indicted that a manipulative personality is, essentially, an aggressive personality. Now, there are also people who are overtly aggressive! Those are the people that we’re afraid of or intimidated by and their personalities are “overt.” Right there in your face.   Then there is the covert personality that is aggressive in an underhanded way. Most manipulative people are the covert type.

 

That personality type is most often self-centered. They’re often narcissistic. They’re self-involved and they lack empathy for other people.  So, it’s all about what I want… and what I can get other people to do for me. It rarely is about what can be done FOR other people.They tend to use other people and they do that in a number of ways.

 

They’re dishonest. Or, they’re deceptive about issues. They tell half-truths or they don’t tell the whole truth. It’s also a feature of many personality disorders: borderline, avoidant – the avoidant person tries to get other people to do their work, because they will avoid others – the dependent personality – that plays the victim and wants everybody to take care of them – histrionic personality, anti-social – passive-aggressive has a big component there – and type A “angry personalities” and “addictive personalities.”  People that are addicted to drugs/ alcohol almost always blame all their problems on other people. “Angry” personalities they are they way the are because of something in their past. In the end, this type of behavior is so self-destructive. This is a pattern that runs deep with manipulation. Many of these people don’t care about relationships, sadly. They just care about getting what they want out of people. Often, they end up alone.

 

Guilt-tripping. One of the things that a covert-aggressive person knows well is that other types of people have very different consciences than they do. So, all a manipulator has to do is to suggest to the conscientious person that they don’t care enough, or kind of imply that they’re being selfish, and that person immediately is going to start feeling bad. So that’s an “in” that they can use to push people around and get them to do what they want.  Turn that around and a conscientious person might try, until they’re blue in the face, to get a manipulator, or any other aggressive type personality, to feel badly about a hurtful behavior, to acknowledge responsibility, or admit wrongdoing, and it’s absolutely to no avail, because these people don’t think that way. It’s all about them. It’s not about others. They don’t have empathy!

 

Shaming is another form of manipulation. Sometimes the use of subtle sarcasm and put-downs is used as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others. The stuff teachers say! I heard this from kids all the time – about the things that teachers say/said to them to shame them. Covert-aggressive people use this tactic to make other people feel inadequate, or unworthy, and therefore, to defer to them. It puts them in a one-up position.

 

Vilifying the victim. This tactic is frequently used in conjunction with the attacker playing the victim role. The aggressor uses the tactic to make it look like he’s only responding, or defending himself, against aggression on the part of the victim. It actually enables the aggressor to better put the victim on the defense.

Another thing they do is, they play the servant role. Covert-aggressives use this tactic to cloak their self-serving agenda in the guise of service…you know, to a more noble cause. You do just the opposite of what you’re really doing.  Politics?  Hmmmm.

 

What causes people to become manipulative? Where does it come from? Mostly it comes from anxiety.      People anticipate catastrophic losses in some cases. So, in an effort to control their own environment, and stay safe, and meet their own needs, they try to get other people to give them what they think they can’t get for themselves.

There are many of us who have had terrible experiences as children/ young adults… who do not resort to manipulation as adults.

Perhaps, this is the realization that this isn’t the right way to go about things or treat other people.  It is never too late to stop manipulating and realize we can count on our own resourcefulness and God- given strengths.

MAN UP to Manipulators

Sometimes, we feel manipulated by people we know, work with, or love. When this occurs we experience a great deal of stress and anxiety, both of which can make us ill and out of sorts.  When this occurs we need to step back and view it NOT subjectively, but rather objectively. View the entity that is doing the manipulating.

 

In research, it is indicted that a manipulative personality is, essentially, an aggressive personality. Now, there are also people who are overtly aggressive! Those are the people that we’re afraid of or intimidated by and their personalities are “overt.” Right there in your face.   Then there is the covert personality that is aggressive in an underhanded way. Most manipulative people are the covert type.

 

That personality type is most often self-centered. They’re often narcissistic. They’re self-involved and they lack empathy for other people.  So, it’s all about what I want… and what I can get other people to do for me. It rarely is about what can be done FOR other people.They tend to use other people and they do that in a number of ways.

 

They’re dishonest. Or, they’re deceptive about issues. They tell half-truths or they don’t tell the whole truth. It’s also a feature of many personality disorders: borderline, avoidant – the avoidant person tries to get other people to do their work, because they will avoid others – the dependent personality – that plays the victim and wants everybody to take care of them – histrionic personality, anti-social – passive-aggressive has a big component there – and type A “angry personalities” and “addictive personalities.”  People that are addicted to drugs/ alcohol almost always blame all their problems on other people. “Angry” personalities they are they way the are because of something in their past. In the end, this type of behavior is so self-destructive. This is a pattern that runs deep with manipulation. Many of these people don’t care about relationships, sadly. They just care about getting what they want out of people. Often, they end up alone.

 

Guilt-tripping. One of the things that a covert-aggressive person knows well is that other types of people have very different consciences than they do. So, all a manipulator has to do is to suggest to the conscientious person that they don’t care enough, or kind of imply that they’re being selfish, and that person immediately is going to start feeling bad. So that’s an “in” that they can use to push people around and get them to do what they want.  Turn that around and a conscientious person might try, until they’re blue in the face, to get a manipulator, or any other aggressive type personality, to feel badly about a hurtful behavior, to acknowledge responsibility, or admit wrongdoing, and it’s absolutely to no avail, because these people don’t think that way. It’s all about them. It’s not about others. They don’t have empathy!

 

Shaming is another form of manipulation. Sometimes the use of subtle sarcasm and put-downs is used as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others. The stuff teachers say! I heard this from kids all the time – about the things that teachers say/said to them to shame them. Covert-aggressive people use this tactic to make other people feel inadequate, or unworthy, and therefore, to defer to them. It puts them in a one-up position.

 

Vilifying the victim. This tactic is frequently used in conjunction with the attacker playing the victim role. The aggressor uses the tactic to make it look like he’s only responding, or defending himself, against aggression on the part of the victim. It actually enables the aggressor to better put the victim on the defense.

Another thing they do is, they play the servant role. Covert-aggressives use this tactic to cloak their self-serving agenda in the guise of service…you know, to a more noble cause. You do just the opposite of what you’re really doing.  Politics?  Hmmmm.

 

What causes people to become manipulative? Where does it come from? Mostly it comes from anxiety.      People anticipate catastrophic losses in some cases. So, in an effort to control their own environment, and stay safe, and meet their own needs, they try to get other people to give them what they think they can’t get for themselves.

There are many of us who have had terrible experiences as children/ young adults… who do not resort to manipulation as adults.

Perhaps, this is the realization that this isn’t the right way to go about things or treat other people.  It is never too late to stop manipulating and realize we can count on our own resourcefulness and God- given strengths.

PEOPLE WHO MAKE A DIFFERENCE

     Look around you and you’ll see three kinds of people.  There are those who hate their life and work, and complain bitterly, those who just tolerate their life and work and see it as their “lot in life,” and finally, those who love their life and work, and relish it. That’s because it’s their “life’s-work.”  The third category is a small subset of all professionals world-wide, but this group stands out because these are often the people who change the world for the better.  They never stop trying to improve the lives of others… no matter how small the change.

     In my work as a writer, I’ve had the opportunity to connect with people who’ve made a true and measurable impact in the world.  Each and every time I have met and written about them, it has been an honor.  However, among this group of what I shall call “influencers” there are also many everyday people who have found a special niche in which they’ve contributed at the highest level.

     It’s critical to note that people who’ve made a real difference aren’t all privileged, advantaged or “special” by any stretch.  Many come from disadvantaged families, crushing circumstances and initially limited capabilities, but have found ways to pick themselves up and rise above their circumstances (and often their genes) to transform their own lives and those around them.

     I have become aware that there are often similar key behaviors that set them apart from others.

They dedicate themselves to what gives their own life meaning and purpose.

Many people  don’t believe in meaning and purpose as something to pursue in their own life.  While others believe in a life purpose, but won’t take the risk to identify or honor it. Those with positive influence feel otherwise.

They have found that there is a purpose to their life and that purpose usually involves some aspect of turning their “gifts” into a message or using what they’ve learned (often the hard way) as a means of being of service to others.

People with a sense of purpose are driven, focused, committed, and light up a room.  They are unable to be deterred or distracted from what they believe is the reason they’re on this planet at this particular time. This sense of meaning and purpose gives them inexhaustible drive and offers guideposts to follow along the path.

They commit to continually bettering themselves.

People who impact the world for the better know that they are not perfect. They understand how their knowledge isn’t “complete.”  There are always going to be gaps, biases, limitations, and prejudices.  But… they keep at it anyway; they are inexhaustible!

People who positively shape the world come from a “beginner’s mind” and a loving, compassionate heart — with an openness to see, learn, and experience new things on the way to being a better “servant” to others.

 They engage with people in open and honest ways.

Those with huge positive influence understand the power of relationships, connection, and engaging with the world openly. They’re not afraid to get “out there”  connecting with others, sharing their knowledge and talents, offering their authentic and often contrary viewpoints and opinions.  They know that positive, supportive, and authentic relationships are the necessary building blocks to anything and everything they want to achieve.

 They invest time and energy not in what is “wrong,” but rather in what “can be.”

The people I’ve  interviewed who’ve made a positive impact on Society, don’t settle for conformity. When they see something that agitates and disturbs them, they strive to know more, get to the root of the issue, research and understand the contributing factors, and arrive at new solutions. They observe gaps and mistakes in common thinking and behavior and trust themselves in their belief that it’s time to push the boundaries of what’s accepted. They want to affect change because they believe change will bring a better way to live.

They spread what they know.

We’ve all met  “experts” who keep their knowledge secret, close to the vest. They’re afraid to let it out for fear someone will steal it or make money on their ideas. This is the opposite of the positive influencer’s mindset. Those who make a true positive difference can’t help but share and teach what they’ve learned. They don’t see their knowledge as just some commodity to sell… they see it as information that has to be shared with the world for its betterment.  They live the universal principle: “The more you give, the more you get.”

 They use their power and influence well.

Sadly, it’s a common occurrence in the world… and Politics of late… to witness power and influence being wielded as a weapon. It hurts and destroys. Positive influencers use their power well and wisely. Those who impact the world for the better are careful and wise with their words, actions, and behaviors. They operate with open heart and care deeply about their leadership, communication,  and the influence they have on others. They take it seriously, as a special honor and responsibility not to be flaunted or misused. They understand their special role, and accept it with grace, compassion, and care.

Here’s to all of us changing the world for the better.  No task is too small.

PEOPLE WHO CHANGE THE WORLD FOR THE BETTER… which one are you?

     Look around you and you’ll see three kinds of people.  There are those who hate their life and work, and complain bitterly, those who just tolerate their life and work and see it as their “lot in life,” and finally, those who love their life and work, and relish it. That’s because it’s their “life’s-work.”    The third category is a small subset of all professionals world-wide, but this group stands out because these are often the people who change the world for the better.  They never stop trying to improve the lives of others… no matter how small the change.

 

     In my work as a writer, I’ve had the opportunity to connect with people who’ve made a true and measurable impact in the world.  Each and every time I have met and written about them, it has been an honor.  However, among this group of what I shall call “influencers” there are also many everyday people who have found a special niche in which they’ve contributed at the highest level.  It’s critical to note that people who’ve made a real difference aren’t all privileged, advantaged or “special” by any stretch. Many come from disadvantaged families, crushing circumstances, and initially limited capabilities, but have found ways to pick themselves up and rise above their circumstances (and often their genes) to transform their own lives and those around them.  I  have become aware that there are often similar key behaviors that set them apart from others.  They dedicate themselves to what gives their own life meaning and purpose.

 

     Many people  don’t believe in meaning and purpose as something to pursue in their own life.  While others believe in a life purpose, but won’t take the risk to identify or honor it. Those with positive influence feel otherwise.  They have found that there is a purpose to their life and that purpose usually involves some aspect of turning their “gifts” into a message or using what they’ve learned (often the hard way) as a means of being of service to others.  People with a sense of purpose are driven, focused, committed, and light up a room.  They are unable to be deterred or distracted from what they believe is the reason they’re on this planet at this particular time. This sense of meaning and purpose gives them inexhaustible drive and offers guideposts to follow along the path.  They commit to continually bettering themselves.

 

     People who impact the world for the better know that they are not perfect. They understand how their knowledge isn’t “complete.”  There are always going to be gaps, biases, limitations, and prejudices.  But… they keep at it anyway; they are inexhaustible!

People who positively shape the world come from a “beginner’s mind” and a loving, compassionate heart — with an openness to see, learn, and experience new things on the way to being a better “servant” to others.  They engage with people in open and honest ways.

 

Those with huge positive influence understand the power of relationships, connection, and engaging with the world openly. They’re not afraid to get “out there”  connecting with others, sharing their knowledge and talents, offering their authentic and often contrary viewpoints and opinions.  They know that positive, supportive, and authentic relationships are the necessary building blocks to anything and everything they want to achieve.   They invest time and energy not in what is “wrong,” but rather in what “can be.”

 

The people I’ve  interviewed who’ve made a positive impact on Society, don’t settle for conformity. When they see something that agitates and disturbs them, they strive to know more, get to the root of the issue, research and understand the contributing factors, and arrive at new solutions. They observe gaps and mistakes in common thinking and behavior and trust themselves in their belief that it’s time to push the boundaries of what’s accepted. They want to affect change because they believe change will bring a better way to live.  They spread what they know.

 

We’ve all met  “experts” who keep their knowledge secret, close to the vest. They’re afraid to let it out for fear someone will steal it or make money on their ideas. This is the opposite of the positive influencer’s mindset. Those who make a true positive difference can’t help but share and teach what they’ve learned. They don’t see their knowledge as just some commodity to sell… they see it as information that has to be shared with the world for its betterment.  They live the universal principle: “The more you give, the more you get.”  They use their power and influence well.

 

Sadly, it’s a common occurrence in the world… and Politics of late… to witness power and influence being wielded as a weapon. It hurts and destroys. Positive influencers use their power well and wisely. Those who impact the world for the better are careful and wise with their words, actions, and behaviors. They operate with open heart and care deeply about their leadership, communication,  and the influence they have on others. They take it seriously, as a special honor and responsibility not to be flaunted or misused. They understand their special role, and accept it with grace, compassion, and care.

 

Here’s to all of us changing the world for the better.  No task is too small.

CHANGE: I THINK I CAN to… I KNOW I CAN!

Endurance – Keep Going!

When a long journey begins, or when a quest is undertaken, be it a pilgrimage of spirit or an ambition, desire, or hope… there is the excitement of the beginning… the unknown still lies before us.  But at some stage, we tire. The terrain can become unfamiliar. Issues arise, challenges greet us, and at this point, too many  feel that this must not be meant to be – for we have told ourself that if it is truly meant to be, it will be  easy.  This is not always the case.

We are here to share that for all creatures, and in both the seen and unseen worlds, there are parts of the “great journey” that require: stamina,  courage and endurance – our ability to commit, and to stay with the task until we have made it.                                Do not enter into  challenges lightly – enter into them, if at all, wholeheartedly. 

Without what we describe as “a challenge,” there will be no growth. If we work through the challenges, we will emerge stronger, and then be more able to realize the next dream. If we run at the first sign of difficulty, we will never forget it; it will be considered a personal failure.  Perhaps, the time has come for us to build up your endurance. Commit. Practice. Train!  No matter what the goal… give it our all. That’s endurance of thought, word, or deed.

We may believe we are weak mentally or physically unable to complete a task. We may be committed to believing that there is no way our “strength” can increase. It is usually not  about our physicality – so often, it is the amazing endurance of Spirit and Soul. Our creative force  requires the ability to go that little bit further, to reach a little harder, to extend ourselves, to go well beyond our individual comfort zones.

The second part of our strength is preparing itself, and will come through, just at the point we are ready to give up. Keep going.  And we can go so much further than we believe we can!  This is not the time to turn back or to allow the challenges/ tests to take us.

This is the time to continue the journey you committed to – because you are being tested and you can pass this test. But you must keep going.  Eyes forward. Intention focused. Purpose clear!