At one particular meeting I was asked, if I actually believe that someone who had been abused … could really heal. This person had been verbally abused for years; first by a parent (now dead) and more recently by her husband from whom she is now divorced. When this question was asked of me … it was asked sarcastically and with a great deal of anger.
I knew this woman’s children and all of them were now wearing the “scars” of their mother’s own experienced abuse. Nothing they did was ever right; yet, she was not a good role model for them herself… according to her actions and practices. They were worthless and useless; yet, there was little positive reinforcement and direction in their lives or lessons on how to be “better.” Children of all ages need direction.
The children were told over and over how abusive and contolling their father was; yet, it was in their father’s care they remained… when she left their home. She complained about her life, put down others, pointed fingers, and was negative…at everything in her life…past and present. What was evident was that she was so close to the situation that she honestly didn’t see herself as being the “new” abuser to her own children and those around her
Abuse, even verbal abuse, takes on a life of its own.
If you have been the recipient of constant verbal negativity, ( or perhaps just sometimes)—and you choose to pass it on—you are perpetuating the hurt and abuse that you yourself have experienced. How does that make you any better or different from your own abuser? If you have been the recipient of Verbal or Emotional Abuse…it is never ok to pass it along.
My answer is clear; I do believe you can heal from abuse. However, you don’t heal when you become the new statistic and now you yourself are the abuser. It’s up to you.